Because Black Family Is Everything
The Black family in America has been a treasured image for decades. Michelle, Barack and their daughters Malia and Sasha. Beyonce, Jay Z, Blue and the twins, Denzel, Paulette, and their children. Rihanna, ASAP, and baby. The Jackson Five, MLK, Coretta Scott King and their five children. The list is infinite.
It’s not just real life Black families either — tv families have changed our lives over the years as well from The Huxtables, to The Winslows, The Johnsons, The Evans Family, and The Banks Family. We idolized these families because they showed us a spectrum of Black families while highlighting the very real dimensions and issues we dealt with in our own families.
The Landy-Campbell's in Sister, Sister were a beautiful example of adoption and what happens when families blend together. Much like The Mitchells of Moesha, navigating a new step mother.
The Banks Family of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air showed us what happens when a troublesome young man abandoned by his father, is sent to live with his aunt and uncle; finding a sense of belonging he hadn’t felt before.
I could go on and on about fictional and non-fictional Black families — and I will, but first, let's reflect on how the Black family has evolved over the last 100 years or so.
When you research “Black family dynamics” on the internet, ninety percent of the articles that surface are centered around fatherless homes, poverty, and the inequity that has plagued Black families. While these facts hold true, they often overshadow other relevant facts.
Throughout the first half of the 20th century, the large majority of Black women were married before they had children. It wasn’t until after 1960, that we began to see a shift. While I would love to focus solely on the positive aspects of the Black family, I would be remiss not to mention the disadvantages that caused Black families to dismantle during this time period.
Though poverty is experienced by all cultures and ethnicities, it has always been disproportionately experienced by people of color. Without access to resources, employment opportunities, mental health care, or wealth — the black family suffered.
Yet and still, despite the inequities and hardships that have plagued Black Americans for centuries, the Black family continues to evolve.
While single mothers were prevalent from the 1970’s to the late 1990’s, Black grandmothers stepped in to fill the void. Many millennials whether raised in two parent households or not can cite their grandmother(s) as an active parent in their lives. It wasn’t uncommon for grandparents to live in the home or nearby, contributing to their upbringing both financially and physically.
Now, some twenty to thirty years later, Black millennials who lived with the trauma of fatherlessness are breaking that cycle by being present and involved with their children in a way they didn’t experience. Despite declines in formal marriage rates, close to 60 percent of Black fathers live with their children, a fact often in contrast with public perceptions of Black men with children.
There is a tweet circulating Black Twitter featuring Rihanna, ASAP Rocky, and their baby boy on the cover of British Vogue. The author of the tweet claims the cover is emasculating because ASAP is standing behind Rihanna in the photo.
This controversy is an illustration of the tension between the way Black families traditionally operated versus how we choose to operate now. A man holding his child, standing behind his woman is considered as endearing by many, yet emasculating by others. For me personally, this image represents the reality that couples are embracing fluidity in gender roles in order for both parties to live a passionate and fulfilling life.
Thanks to social media, we are exposed to real life Black families daily who are doing things their own way. Families like @RaukishaRoaming's who take hiking trips through the Grand Canyon with her husband and children, or Tobe and Fat who travel the world performing with their three children (and one on the way).
Where Black families once glorified secrecy and a strict call to be quiet, not make mistakes, and withhold emotion; more couples and individuals are going to therapy, a luxury often shunned by the Black community. This, along with the shift into “gentle parenting” allows children to be free, make mistakes, ask questions, and have dialogue with their parents. We won’t see the effects of this parenting for a few years, but I am sure we’ll see a difference in our Black children as they become adults.
Let’s also be clear, society has put their judgment on what makes a “good family,” but the spectrum of beautiful Black families spans beyond tradition. For example, real life same-sex couples like Terrel and Jarius show us heterosexuality is not the only way.
And there are others: Created families - see Pose. A single mother and her daughter - see The Parkers. A single father and his kids - see The Henderson family of Smart Guy. All are worthy. All are beautiful.
Maybe we’re creating the realities we saw on television in the 90’s and early 2000’s or maybe we’re intentionally breaking generational cycles because we want better for ourselves and our children. Either way, we are proving that Black families don’t have to be stuck in the box.
In doing so, we aren't only inspiring the generation behind us, but the one ahead of us as well. In a way, as we write history, we’re illustrating to the past what has always been possible.