Don't Worry Darling, I'm Not Interested

I’ve been hearing a lot about Olivia Wilde’s new film ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ and the chatter is honestly hysterical. Setting aside the content of the work (which is getting annihilated by critics left and right), when you Google this movie all you get are overviews of the on-set drama, near-constant feuding between cast members, adults potentially spitting on each other, and I think we hate Florence Pugh again(?).

You guys, all I’m saying is– I’m exhausted.

The Venice Film Festival was this weekend (apparently) and here’s why that matters:

It doesn’t!

Film festivals are largely a waste of time and just an excuse for everyone to take contrived and embarrassing photos on yachts like the clout goblins they are. I would know, I was one of them! If you go back far enough on my Instagram you’ll catch me doing the same thing in Cannes. My excuse? I was 20 and still had sparkling ideals about the entertainment industry. These days I’m more of a “fuck boats, I’d rather party on land” kinda gal. But I digress…

Film festivals (I guess) are good ways for the press to tell you what to see or what to skip. Do you know how the last time you wanted to see a movie, you searched everyone’s opinion on it and then decided to go, based on that crucial information? No? That’s what I thought. Regardless, that’s how the industry still works (sorta), though most of us know that the whole system is antiquated and in need of a facelift (no, I’m not making an Olivia Wilde joke, how dare you!!!!!).

As a marketing professional myself, I understand the power of reviews on the public’s perception of a film. Surely we’ve all heard the term “there’s no such thing as bad press,” where the idea is that any conversational addition to the cultural zeitgeist can/will be beneficial to a project’s bottom line (looking at you, Morbius). Sometimes, all a studio needs is a buzzing conversation to sell tickets. This might be the reason why we’re hearing so much about these alleged feuds and conflicts. Perhaps the strategy here is to promote and credit the gossip in a way that entices people to examine the on-screen chemistry for themselves.

Right now, I’m not sure. It feels too early to tell if that’s the case or not with this film because the reviews really are that comically bad. I read AV club’s review of the film and they called it “simple”, “basic”, and “obvious.”

(Fucking brutal, I love it.)

Then, this morning I see that people think Harry Styles SPIT HUMAN SALIVA onto Chris Pine, and JUST when I was ready to denounce that rumor as completely ridiculous, I see the video and think “wow, maybe.”

What is going on???

I guess the truth is that the more I read about the movie, the more likely I am to see it, but if I’m repeatedly seeing stories about how much of a mess this movie and the people who made it are then I’m probably going to spend my time watching something that’s… I don’t know… good? For the right reasons? The whole thing has me throwing salt over my shoulder. Take that mess straight to DVD.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go watch The Room.